self love isn’t selfish.

If I’m being honest here: whenever i hear the term self love, there’s always this inevitable stigma that pops in my head; equating self love with selfishness, self centeredness, or an “i love myself much more than i should” mentality.

The past couple weeks of my life have been a testament to the fact that self love is essential to be able to love others well.

It’s amazing getting the privilege of having an abundance of people in my life that i get to pour into daily & have them encourage me the same. my past couple months have been intentional and absolutely beautiful. the relationships i’ve been allowed to delve into are insanely God honoring. God has been so faithful in this area!

But, there’s always a downside to relationships like these. Growing in community also requires emotional vulnerability and deep investment, which can be draining at times. This should in no way ever be a deterrent, but emotional exhaustion can come to be a result of these types of relationships.

Last week was one of the first times in my life where I really felt the repercussions of not taking care of myself physically or emotionally. I woke up Saturday morning completely and utterly exhausted. I thought it was odd because I slept 9 hours that night. As the day continued, it became more clear that my physical exhaustion was stemming from my emotional incabability to function. I didn’t want to be with anyone at all, which is real rarity in my life. I thought to myself that I didn’t want to talk to anyone for approximately 5 days AT LEAST.

I thought I was experiencing an existential crisis. LOL. 

When I sat down to spend time with God, He told me to stop running. I was confused to hear that at first, because I had been abiding in Him daily and seeking to honor Him. I didn’t feel like I was running from Him. He thankfully clarified that I needed to just stop doing everything and trying to be everything for everyone. I needed rest. I needed to stop and just embrace being His daughter.

It felt like 2 tons of bricks were lifted off my shoulders in that moment.

I felt free. 

So, the rest of that day, I took care of myself. I deep cleaned my entire room. I spent 10 minutes shaving my legs which I probably haven’t done in months. I got Chipotle. And it was lovely.

(I totally get it if y’all think those things are a weird way to take care of myself. I fully realize I’m kinda crazy and find emotional calm through deep cleaning…hahaha)

I’ve always understood that we need to be filled in order to pour out to others, but never really experienced a serious emotional exhaustion and lack like I did that day.

Of course it happened now for a reason. My life has been so different this year and I’ve grown in possibly every aspect of it. It makes sense that I’m also learning this too.

So, self love isn’t selfish. Taking care of yourself is completely necessary if you are going to be God’s vessel and mouthpiece. God does not expect us to run ourselves ragged. He wants us to rest in HIM. So sometimes, that means allowing Him to restore and rejuvinate you through spending time doing something you love. He wants us to be healthy and fulfilled in Him. So, as human beings, that requires us taking time for ourselves, before we are even capable of pouring out for others.

Jesus is more than sufficient in caring for us and meeting us where we are. I pray that each of you take time to rest & be filled again.

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