I feel like I’m wasting time.
As a Type A, highly motivated & efficient person, wasting time is one of my biggest pet peeves.
I mean, don’t even get me started about slow drivers and long lines. The tolerance level is very, very LOW.
Of course, those are but temporary situations where my impatience displays itself. It’s a whole other story when it comes to my spiritual life.
In the past couple months, I’ve completely surrendered my life and future plans to God like never before. And, as result, I’ve found the sweetest sense of freedom & reliance on my Lord and Savior.
But, the past couple weeks have shown to be a pretty quiet season. And the silence is deafening.
God has stirred in me an immense desire to be used by Him and to be instrumental in bringing people to know Jesus. And Praise God for that! I am a sinner & completely unworthy, but He still chooses me to know Him and do His work.
God has instilled dreams & hopes in me of how He will allow me to serve Him, but has then dropped (seemingly) silent.
I think that’s the hardest part. I KNOW that God plans to use me to do great things, but I don’t know WHEN.
So instead of basking in the waiting season & focusing on equipping myself in knowing Scripture and finding my identity in Christ, I have found myself impatient, unhappy, and frustrated.
I want to be used NOW. The amount of times I’ve approached God with an entitled and questioning demeanor the past couple weeks is more than I’d want to admit. But who am I, a beggar, unworthy to sit at Jesus’ feet, to be entitled in His presence?
Unfortunately, I’ve noticed that the waiting season is where Satan has been planting seeds of envy, doubt, and entitlement in my heart. He is trying to convince me that I am being unfairly treated, and that I DESERVE better.
As if I deserve ANYTHING from a perfect God.
But, my ever faithful God is gracious enough to remind me of what is true when the seeds of lies start to take root in my heart. He is worthy of all honor and praise.
Last night, in another time of frustration and impatience, I was talking to God & wrote these sentences in my journal:
“I have absolutely no clue what you’re doing in this season of my life. Why are you making me wait? All I want to do is serve You and do big things for Your Kingdom, but You aren’t showing up. You aren’t telling me where to go. Lord Jesus, please show me what you’re doing.”
And silence. I was pretty fed up at this point & went to check my instagram. Constructive right?
But as stupid as this sounds, God reminded me of what is true there. The first post I saw was a beautiful calligraphy drawing of the phrase:
No season is ever wasted.
An interesting way for God to speak, right? I actually laughed out loud when I saw it. You got me God. He definitely has a sense of humor.
Despite the frustration and impatience and waiting to be used by God, He is faithful to keep me right where I need to be. He is faithful to equip me. and He is faithful to use every season to its fullness.
So, I wait. But I do not wait in vain.
I am not wasting time. He holds me in the palm of His hand & must strengthen me in my relationship with Him and identity before I can move on to the next season of my life.
And that is enough right now.